I think I may have loved you
by ICanSeeYourFace
Summary: It's been almost a year since Jess saw Rory walk out of Truncheon Books. Now she's back in Philadelphia, and he searches her out. What happens when they meet up, once again? Will fate stand by them?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Okey, so this is my first fic ever, so I'd love to get many reviews so I can do better (who would want to do worse?) in the future.

**Disclaimer:** I, the author of this story, do not own any of the characters associated with Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino.

_Chapter 1: Virtually painless_

"Rory?"

Jess felt like he had roamed around the building for hours, looking for her, before finally spotting her. She was sitting in a corner, reading and scribbling in a notebook. Her wavy hair had kept on falling into her face, and he could see her blue eyes rapidly scan the pages of the notebook. He had suddenly felt so unsure whether he should talk to her. There had been something final about her leaving the Truncheon after the absymal kiss and the equally abysmal talk about that dipstick Logan.

"_No, come on Mariano! You've been at this for a week now."_ Jess thought to himself, trying to muster up the courage to approach her. Luke had told him over the phone that she was on the Obama Campaign trail, so Jess had checked the schedule, and they were going to have a two-day stop in Philly. Why shouldn't he go and say 'hello'? They were friends.

A voice in Jess' head butted in on his thoughts with a simple _"For all the obvious reasons"_. They had had… okey, so he had had issues they never got to talk about. He had left, disappointed her. Then he came back, left again, came back yet again, and rambled on like a complete idiot asking her to more or less elope with him. Jess had lost track of his departures and comebacks, and felt like he wanted to stick a note on his back saying 'Jess Mariano, licenced to act like a moron'. Still, Rory had kept him going, she had had faith in him.

He was moving. Without the rest of Jess noticing, his feet had begun moving towards her. _"Fight face on Mariano, it should be virtually painless. Band-aid level. You're Frank at the Sands." _He was desperate for courage now. She hadn't done anything yet, and he was still getting weak at the knees.

"Rory?" Jess said, immediately hearing how lame that sounded.

She flinched and looked up at him, slightly taken aback.

"Jess!" she then exclaimed, getting up from her seat.

"_Oh no, no hug, that will just send me down the abyss."_ His mental note must have gotten lost on its way to her, because the next second she flinged her arms around his neck, and he couldn't do much else than hug her back.

It could have been the longest hug in the history of hugs. She was entoxicating, he could feel the softness of her skin against his cheek, and sensed a faint trace of her perfume._"Come on, Mariano, snap out of it! Fight face, Frank, get a grip!"_ Jess felt like he'd been trapped in her embrace for an eternity, but anyone still living in the real world would probably have rounded the hug up to two seconds, three tops.

"What are you doing here, Dodger?" Rory asked him when she let go.

He was surprised she remembered the Dodger-reference, that was ages ago. She was making it so hard for him to act casual.

"Oh," he answered, returning from what must have been Planet Moron, "An article for the Truncheon zine."

It wasn't totally untrue. They were going to do a piece on the Obama campaign, but it was not until tomorrow, and Matthew (_"God help us all…" _Jess thought) was gonna cover it.

"So, how's life in journalism and politics treating you? he continued.

"I love it!" she answered. "Okey, so it's not exactly Christiane Amanpour in a foxhole in some warstricken area, but it's great. I get to write about all these fascinating things and meet all these amazing people! The whole living out of a suitcase- thing could be better, I've visited more hotels than ever before, and let me tell you, all of them weren't exactly pretty. I don't think I've ever wanted to get out of a hotel this fast since the great B&B-mishap of 2001."

She was bubbling, so full of excitement. Her eyes sparkled with intense determintation, and a sincere smile was playing on her lips.

"How's… How's Logan taking it?" Jess asked, feeling a pang of angst somewhere in the region of his stomach, or was it his heart. "You know, you being on the road like this?"

He could see how the spark faded from her eyes, the smile vanished and she got this gloomy expression on her face.

"Logan and I…" she began quietly, playing nervously with her pen. "We're not together anymore."

"You broke up?"

She nodded, and Jess felt like he wanted to dance. Dipstick got what he deserved.

"Or, well, in a manner of speaking," Rory continued. "He proposed."

It seemed to Jess that all the noise suddenly died out in the room.

"Wait, he proposed?" he exclaimed, sounding more surprised than he meant to.

"…and I turned him down," she finished.

"Oh…"

Jess pondered the statement for a few seconds, before asking:

"Should I be sorry?"

"Considering you loathed him, Dodger, I'm not expecting you to be."

"Hey, I didn't 'loathe' the guy. I just… strongly disliked him. He was a total dipstick!"

Rory sat down, and Jess got the feeling that he should have left out the last part.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he said and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry that you're sorry. You know me, tact of a… of a…"

"Nazi storm trooper?" she suggested and peered at him.

"Something like that," he said with a strained laugh.

He had to fix this, or else, Jess feared, that nice feeling of having come to a good end would be gone in a heartbeat.

"Tell you what," he began and carefully put his left hand on her right shoulder. "Come over to the Truncheon tonight. I'll make dinner and you can watch as Chris and Matthew drive each other mad."

Rory looked at him, Jess found himself once again ensnared by those bright blue eyes. She seemed to contemplate his offer hard, and Jess could not resist the impulse:

"You wanna make a pro-con list?"

She smiled at him again, lightly punching him in the chest.

"Do not mock my lists!"

"The mocking has left the building," he said jokingly and put his hands up as if to surrender.

She gave him one of her heartmelting smiles, and closed her notebook.

"You know what? Throw in a movie and a hot shower and I'll be there."

"Deal. Come over by seven. Try knocking if the door is locked, and if no one answers bang a bit harder. Matt and Chris aren't the most persistent guys I know."

"I consider myself warned."

* * *

All seemed fine, until Jess stumbled into the apartment above Truncheon Books. What the hell had he agreed to? Okey, the film was a great idea, that meant he didn't have to cook, and there would be things to watch and no need for cramped up conversation. And why had he involved Matt and Chris? They weren't that hilarious. They were still going on about that bar they weren't going to call "Cedar Bar Redux" or "Devoid of Original Ideas Poser Bar", and the whole debacle always ended with doorslamming and a cramped feeling that lasted for absurdly many hours. Jess always tried to sneak away to work on what he thought was a feeble attempt to a sequel to "The Subsect", but he felt he never really got the inspiration to make something out of it, so usually he stayed up all night, reading a book from cover to cover.

Jess navigated past something that probably should've been thrown out last week. Why did she have such influence on him? All had been fine before he had approached her today. Okey, not totally fine, Jess was still disappointed because she had led him on. She had told him it was fixed, and then it wasn't. Logan was still in the picture and she wanted to go back to him even after he had cheated on her. To be frank, now that he thought about it, Jess couldn't understand where that nice resolved feeling had come from. She had hurt him and he had done a nice job trying to ignore it. And why did she keep on calling him Dodger? That Dodger-thing had been a one-time-thing, she had never called him Dodger after that. And why did she want to shower here? It screamed awkward with big neon letters against an ill-fitting backdrop!_ "Speaking of showers…"_ Jess thought, but was interrupted when the door cracked open. Matt and Chris, his co-owners and flatmates stumbles in, bickering as usual.

"Jess!" Matt exclaimed when he saw Jess standing outside his room. "Just the man we're looking for!"

"Matthew, we are not dragging him into this!" Chris protested.

"Jess, say you were to…" began Matt, ignoring Chris' attempts to silence him.

"Guys!" Jess interrupted. "I'm having a friend over for dinner, so could we, please, chuck most of the 'crazy' out the door for at least one night?"

"Okey, so we evict Matt, matter resolved," jeered Chris.

"More like we kick you and your sorry ass to wherever," Matt retorted.

Jess sighed. He had actually thought they would be reasonable.

"Hey, what friend by the way?" Matt continued, sounding somewhat surprised. "You have friends, Mariano?"

"Yeah, I do," Jess answered, looking sternly at his flatmate. "An old friend."

"Old friend?" Chris asked and peered at him.

"Yes, old friend, as in friend that isn't new," Jess replied irritably. "A girl I know from Conn…"

"A girl!" bellowed Matt, looking at Jess with a happy face that could've scared the crap out of a four-year-old. "I knew it man, you're getting laid!"

Jess felt like he wanted to drive his head through a wall.

"Matt…" he said with a strained tone of voice. "Would you mind doing a little thinking with your upstairs brain? She's an old ex, we'll watch a movie and she'll gross you both out with her insane eating habits, and by the way, if I was to get laid, don't you think I'd tell you to skip?"

"Dude, old exes are the best, trust me," Matt rambled on, as if anything Jess had just said had passed him by unnoticed.

"So… do you want us to clear out? Chris asked, ignoring Matt and his insinuations about Jess getting lucky. "You know, 'cause we can."

"Nah…" Jess answered, and steered away from Matt. "I thought you could stage a fight with doctor Freud if the movie sucks. By the way, has anyone cleared out the bathroom since…"

"Since Matt proclaimed this to the bar we're not calling 'Cedar Bar Redux', and held a grand opening? No, not really."

"Put Sex-Obsessive Maniac over there on cleaning duty, see if that gets him to pipe down a bit. I'll have to go rent a movie and get the insane amount of snacks that will get eaten tonight."

"Okey, how much are we really talking about here?" Chris asked and looked questioningly at him. "You make it sound like you need a truck to get it back here.

"Let's see…"

Jess paused to think.

"We'll only watch one movie, so I'd say two pizzas, three boxes of Chinese, some fries, a yet unknown amount of soda, and as much candy as I can carry will do."

"Dude, that chick must be huge…" Matt butted in.

Jess figured Matt had finally managed to take his mind off sex.

"Hardly," Jess answered. "She's a total food-miracle. She was here when we had the open house about a year ago."

"She was? And I missed her?" Matt grunted disappointedly.

"Yeah, didn't you ever see me talking to anyone? A girl, cute, a bit shorter than me, brown hair, bright blue eyes?"

"That was your ex?" Chris asked and looked astounded.

"Wow, what did you do to bag that beauty?" Matt taunted with a devilish grin on his face.

"Hey, I'm offended by that tone of yours," Jess answered jokingly, and then turned to Chris. "Keep him on a leash tonight."

* * *

Leaving Chris and Matt to their bickering about leashes, cleaning and the infamous bar, Jess took his wallet and headed out into the city to stock up for the evening. Rory kept haunting his mind, and every moment they had together kept popping up in his mind. The first time they met, how he pissed off Lorelai, the bid-on-a-basket where they got to know each other, the accident, God how dense could he be? The kiss at Sookies wedding, the dance marathon, the party and the fight with Dean, him skipping off to California without telling her, and the call. The "I love you" that seemed to have made some impact, and the less successful attempt to get her to run away with him. The not-so-successful meeting with Logan and the telling-off. However hard Jess tried, all of these memories lead him back to the day at Truncheon, almost a year ago. She had looked so alone, and he had been so happy when she said everthing was fixed, the kiss came naturally, and then…

"_You're still with him? __he had asked, not wanting to believe it._

"_Yeah," she had answered, and didn't really look at him._

"_I thought everything was fixed."_

"_Everything but him," she said, as if it was that simple._

"_I hate this!"_

"_You should, I'm sorry."_

"_You came here alone, to Philadelphia!" he went on accusingly._

"_He was out of town."_

"_I don't deserve this, Rory."_

Jess tried to shrug off the memory of that conversation, but it didn't work. He could still see her leaving the bookstore, and remembered how he had trod upstairs and barricaded himself in his room. He had felt so stupid, so immensly idiotic, he should've known. Now she had turned rich boy down, she was here, she was coming over to hang out. Just hang out. Watch a movie, see who first hit the sugarcoma-state and then… And then…

He couldn't make himself finish that thought, and wandered determinedly into the nearest video/dvd renting place. Once in there, Jess had absolutely no idea what he should rent. He strolled among the shelves and stacks of dvds, picking up movies and putting them back, not really finding anything that would fit tonight.

"No luck finding anything?"

A girl, dressed in jeans and a saggy t-shirt with the renting-company's logo on it, had magically turned up by his side. Jess wondered where they came from, and how they could so annoyingly know that you had no idea what to rent.

"Uh… Yeah, but I'm still looking."

"No matter, no matter. You watching something with your friends?"

"A friend… An old… girlfriend."

"Oh," answered the girl, and looked at him as if wondering why he was going to watch a movie with an old girlfriend of all people. "Hold on."

She disappeared behind some shelves, and emerged some minutes later with a movie. Jess looked at the cover doubtingly.

"I promise," said the girl "You'll like it. Both of you."

He wasn't in a particularly good mood for moviehunting, so he rented the movie and moved on to the nearest shop. There he took a basket and loaded it with anything he could think of that might be present at a regular Gilmore-movie night. When he came as far as to paying for it all, the man behind the counter looked strangely at him, and Jess was sorely tempted to tell him he'd be back for more by supper.

Needless to say, both Matt and Chris got a shock when he came home.

"You're really gonna eat all that?" Chris asked cautiously.

"Nah, I'll just stick with the pizza, fries and some soda, and Rory'll take care of this. Hey, did anyone clean out the bathroom?"

"Sure did," muttered Matt. "It wasn't like I had any choice, mr Rottweiler over here was hovering over me, barking if I so much as missed a strain of hair."

"Hey, I told him to keep you on a leash, finally someone got the hang of it," Jess smiled and felt mildly content as he hung the plastic bag with the movie in it on a hook next to the door. "Okey, so she'll be here in about an hour, not that either of you will remember that."

Jess had found that his flatmates and co-owners seemed to have a limited short-term memory span. They could remember what they were supposed to publish and have artshows on for months ahead, but if he asked either of them to wake him up from a nap in 15 minutes he always woke up three hours later.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Okey, so my patience for a beta ran out, _sorry_ about that if the person I sent the message with my beta-request to is reading this. I'm just far too excited about this, and I want to keep the story going. _Thank you_ tons and tons for all the reviews on chapter 1, and I'll hope you'll like the new chapter!

**Disclaimer**: I, the author of this story, do not own the characters or anything else from Gilmore girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino

* * *

_Chapter 2: Memory lane_

Jess unloaded the movie-food in the kitchen, and then went into his small room, picking up discarded books and placing them back into the three bookshelves that lined one of the walls. Like any other guy (at least any other guy Jess knew), he resorted to hiding all his dirty laundry where they wouldn't be visible. In Jess' case, it meant flinging them into a closet. Just as he was about to close the closet door, something fell down on top of his laundry. He stopped to pick it up, and recognized it as his black leather jacket. He eyed it, guessing he had grown slightly out of it. Whatever the case may be, he could never make himself get rid of it. He smiled, and pulled off his black long-sleeved shirt, and proceeded to put on the jacket. It was a bit tight over the shoulders, and the arms were a bit too short, but he still managed to zip it up.

He had loved that leather jacket, and it seemed like such a long time ago since he had worn it. He remembered wearing it in Stars Hollow, how it had really made him look like the hoodlum all of those town-crazies believed him to be. While in California, it had been hot as hell to wear it, but he had felt awkward without it. Jess felt something sharpish press against his chest, and opened one of the pockets. Out he pulled an old, tattered pack of cigarettes. He put the pack under his nose and took a deep breath. _"Well, it still smells the same…"_

He had quit smoking some time ago, he didn't really know why. One day just he stopped buying cigarettes, and next he was cleaning out pockets and bags from stray packs. He had obviously missed that pack, but as it had been in the pocket of a jacket he never used anymore, it wasn't surprising. He put the pack of cigarettes back in the pocket, and zipped it close. He wanted to keep that one, for old times sake. It belonged in that jacket, to that time.

He shook off the nostalgia, took off the jacket and hung it back in the closet and closed the door. He glanced at the watch hanging above his bed. He'd have time to read a bit before she would be knocking downstairs. He let himself fall down on the creaking bed, pulled out "Lord of the Flies" from under his pillow and began to read. He had no idea how many times he had read it, but judging from the numerous margin notes, he guessed at five, maybe six times. Jess took a deep breath and let himself be immersed in the book, following Simon as he encountered "The Lord of the Flies".

* * *

"Jess?"

"_What now? Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of a freaking sentence, bother someone else!"_ Jess thought, and merely grunted something in response to whoever was talking to him.

"Dodger?"

Her voice made him flinch, and he dropped the book.

"Wow," Rory said with a small laughter. "That was totally worse than mom at the Festival of Living Art a couple of years back."

"What?" he asked and hastily got up from his bed.

Rory looked amazing, although Jess wasn't sure it was possible for her not to look amazing. She was wearing dark blue jeans, with a long, orange top and a jacket to match. In one hand she had a bag that he assumed contained clothes to change into, and in the other she had her purse.

"Hey." she smiled.

"Hi…"

"I did like you said, I knocked, but no one opened, so I started banging, and I think I actually managed to make some passers-by think I was trying to break an entry or that I was stoned, so that should brighten your evening." she told him. "I think it was Matt who finally opened. Is he all right? He had the same look my mom has when she sees a really nice top with a sale sign on it."

Jess let out a little laugh.

"Yeah, he's okey. I put Chris on babysitter duty tonight, I think the prospect of a female guest made Matt a little too edgy for his own good. Considering Matt is edgy, Chris is on duty and they live in the same room, this could turn out to be more interesting than the prospect of a movie."

Rory still smiled at him, and looked around the room, instantly noticing his three bookshelves. She eyed it, before taking out one of his books, and somehow he could guess which one. She browsed through it, apparantly checking all his margin notes

"I see you still haven't made it through _The Fountainhead_." she mused, and showed him a page in the book where his margin notes had ended.

"I've told you, Ayn Rand is a political nut, and as far as I remember I'd give it a try, if you gave Hemingway another chance." Jess pointed out.

"As I recall, there was never such an agreement." Rory protested.

"Oh, there was." he countered. "Don't you remember? Bid-on-a-basket, we were sitting on that bridge by the lake where Luke pushed me in, and you said that I should give _The Fountainhead_ another chance, and I agreed so long as you gave Hemingway another go. I never heard you confess you had given good old Ernest an honest try, so why should I keep up my end of the deal."

"Your memory is far to good to be reliable." Rory grinned. "And you know what I think of Hemingway."

"Oh yes." Jess said and came up with an idea. "As a matter of fact, I thought we could maybe be a bit educational tonight."

"How?" she asked.

"Well, I rented _A Farewell to Arms_, and I've got the novel to match, so maybe you'll think better of Ernest once this night is over."

She looked absolutely flabbergasted, just a few twitches away from horrified.

"No you didn't!" she finally moaned. "You're so evil, you know I don't like Hemingway, and I don't care what you say he says about me!"

Jess had to try very hard not to laugh.

"Hey, I stand by my statement from that picnic by the bridge, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you."

"Yes," she smirked, with a playful chided tone, "because Hemingway was so Hallmark's. His mother dressed him like a girl and he ended up shooting himself."

Jess burst into laughter, he couldn't keep going anymore. The look on Rory's face made it even funnier.

"What's with you?" she demanded to know. "Is it so fun that he killed himself?"

"Oh God, Rory, you should see yourself!" Jess pressed out between laughs. "I was joking! I didn't rent _A Farewell to Arms_. I did it once, and I swear, I could hear Hemingway roll over in his grave."

Rory hit him on his arms and looked at him as if she considered payback.

"You're killing me, Dodger." she said warningly. "Now how about that shower, you promised me a hot shower."

"You don't have showers on that hotel of yours?" he asked, trying to hold back his laughs.

"Yes, and imagine the joy of showering in cold water."

"I see. Well, you can borrow one of my towels, and you walked past the bathroom on your way to my room."

"Thank you." she smiled.

Jess opened another closet and took out a bright blue towel and handed it to her.

"There… uh… There should be some shampoos and stuff you can use in the bathroom. We keep some around for… guests." he mumbled. "Meaning some of Matt's and Chris' former girlfriends or whatever have accidentally left them here and never come back to claim them."

"Hey, if they share a room, how do they..?" she began, trailing off once the point came closer.

"Believe me," Jess answered. "You're better off not knowing. I wish I was."

She gave him another smile, put her bag on his bed, took her clothes-bag and put the towel in it, and then disappeared out of the room.

* * *

As soon as Rory had closed the door to the bathroom, he could hear the door to Chris' and Matt's room open, and seconds later Matt sauntered into his room.

"Dude, she's hot!" he whispered. "Can we keep her?"

Jess was just about to do something he might have regretted in the end, when Chris popped up behind Matt.

"Sorry, man, he said he was going to the bathroom, but then it hit me that she was there." Chris explained, and then turned to Matt. "You are so sick, no wonder you don't get laid. He at least has a chance."

"Hey, I get laid, plenty laid." Matt protested.

"Yeah, and plenty dumped. What do you do to them? Tell them about the bar we are not calling Cedar Bar Redux?"

"Hey, that bar will earn us fame and fortune, and you'll both be on your knees to beg me to tell you 'didn't I tell you so?', and I'm not sure I'll ever be pleased enough from seeing you both on your knees, so… Too bad, guys."

Chris and Jess smirked, and Chris put his arm around Matt's shoulders.

"Now, now Matthew," Chris said in a pretended worried voice. "Let's get you your meds and we'll have a group hug."

"Yeah, Matt," Jess carried on. "You don't want to miss out on the group hug, do you?"

Matt jeered at them, and turned to leave.

"Seriously, sometimes I think you're the one on meds… Or needing them, more like it." he grunted as he, followed by Chris, left the room.

* * *

Jess used the time Rory was in the shower to first and foremost change clothes, and ended up wearing his slacker-jeans and a Ramones t-shirt (which was about the only clean t-shirt left in his closet). Reasonably satisfied with his looks, he went to prepare for the movie. He shifted the sofa so it came a bit closer to the TV, and nicked a small coffee table from his flatmates' room to put everything on. Lastly he called the pizza parlor on the corner, ordering two of their specials (pepperoni, tuna, extra cheese, mushrooms, pineapple and their extra hot special sauce). He had to restrain himself not to look every other second towards the bathroom door. _"She's your ex, she's your friend, you won't hook up again, probably not in this life time, anyway." _Jess thought, as he put down the phone.

"Rory?" he then called out.

A muffled "Yeah?" could be heard from the bathroom.

"I've ordered pizza, would you like Chinese as well?"

The door opened a little, and she stuck out her head. "_Don't stare."_ he thought.

"How many pizzas did you order?"

"Two." he answered, and, oh yeah, stared at her.

"Okey, I guess I could do with some Chinese."

"Fine, but in that case I'll skip the fries."

"That Chinese had better be good."

"Got it." he smiled, and then thought to himself. _"Way to go Mariano, and the award for no self-control what so ever goes to…"_

The door to the bathroom closed, and he went into the kitchen, pulled out a box where the guys stored all their take-out menus, and started looking for one in particular. Finally, after having to resort to tipping the whole box upside down, and search through all the menus one by one, Jess found the menu for what he thought was the only Chinese restaurant in all of Philly that could make a decent Kung Pao Chicken. After some communications trouble with the man who had answered the phone, he ordered and then went into the kitchen to scoop up the various candy sorts into small bowls. From a cupboard above the sink, he took out the two biggest glasses they had, and carried it all out into the living room.

The doorbell rang ten minutes later, and to his surprise, Matt appeared out of nowhere to get it.

"Jess!" Matt called out. "Your pizza is here. Oh, and your Chinese!"

Jess made a face, put down the bottles of soda and water that he had just fetched from the kitchen, and went to pay for the food. From the corner of his eye, he could see Matt nervously glancing over towards the bathroom, and Jess was on the verge of pushing him out the door. He stacked the Chinese food on top of the pizza and closed the door, and no sooner than the door had shut and the lock had clicked, the door to the bathroom swung open.

* * *

**A/N**: I know some of you were eager to find out what movie Jess and Rory are gonna watch, sorry, but next chapter, I promise!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Here it is, chapter 3! All of you who have wondered what movie Jess rented will finally find that out! Thank you again for all the reviews of chapter 2, seems people like the my interpretation of Matt and Chris! Thanks a bunch for the reviews, keep them coming, they keep me going!

**Disclaimer: **I, the author of this story, do not own the characters or anything else associated with Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino

* * *

_Chapter 3: The good old days_

Jess felt as if all air had vanished from the room. She was beautiful, no she was beyond beautiful. She looked like she was glowing, her blue eyes sparkling more intensely than ever before. She was wearing a white, loose dress, that ended just above her knees, a wide black belt marking her waist. She smiled insecurely and a slight pink blush grew on her cheeks.

"You… You look great." breathed Jess, unable to take his eyes off of her.

He wanted to say more, but for the first time it seemed to him that words had failed him.

"Thanks…" she replied shyly. "I was actually a bit freaked out about the whole dresscode, you didn't say anything, and now I feel totally overdressed. I wouldn't have minded Miss Celine, not even if she kept barking 'Sabrina!' at me, and eyeing me with this suspecting look."

"Miss who?"

Jess felt himself being pulled back to reality. Matt was still in the room, his eyes also fixed upon Rory.

"Dude, do you want me to have you committed, or would you like to check yourself in?" Jess said pointedly, and then turned towards Chris' and Matt's room. "Chris!"

Chris came out, first looking at Jess, then looking at Rory.

"Hi…" he said with a stupid smile on his face. "Did you want something Jess?"

"I told you to keep him on a leash." Jess prompted.

"Oh… Right. Matt. Come on, boy, come to Chris."

Matt made a face of faked laughter.

"You're hilarious." he grunted to Chris, before going into their room.

Chris nodded, first towards Rory, and then towards Jess, and returned to his room.

"So…" Jess said, turning to Rory. "What were we talking about?"

"My clothes, and Miss Celine."

"Right… And who was that?"

"She's my grandma's fashion adviser, I met her before I graduated Chilton. She kept on calling me Audrey, as in Hepburn, and Sabrina, and referred to mom as Natalie Wood. According to mom, Miss Celine was a 1000 years old when mom was ten, or something like that."

Jess just nodded, what else was there to say with this goddess in front of him? Rory squirmed a bit, the pink blush now turning redder and redder.

"Okey, I'll go change now, I feel like I'm in the wrong place."

Jess didn't even have time to protest, before she had gone back into the bathroom and closed the door. He sighed, and discovered he was still holding the pizza and the Chinese food. He put them down on the coffee table, shuffling the candy bowls around to make place. He went back into the kitchen, took out soda and a couple of water bottles, only to realize when he came back into the living room that he had already done that.

* * *

"_She can still move quietly"_, Jess noted silently some minutes later. Not a sound could be heard from the bathroom, and had he not been watching the door, he would probably not have heard it opening. When she came out, he saw that she had changed back into the jeans and the top she had had on when she came, and though the glow had diminished a bit, she still radiated something Jess couldn't put his finger on.

"You feel better?" he asked.

"Yeah." she replied sheepishly. "I have no idea what I was thinking. Movie night, junkfood and white dress, doesn't really go together, right?"

"I still think you looked amazing." Jess said sincerely.

"Thank you, again. So, if you're not going to plague me with Hemingway, what are we watching tonight?"

Jess went over to the hooks by the door, took out the movie from its plastic bag and handed it to her. Rory eyed him with a doubtful look when she saw what he had rented.

"Really?" she asked. "_10 thing I hate about you_?"

"I claim temporary insanity, that insipid girl at the video renting wouldn't let me leave without it, and you didn't ask to have a say." he argued.

"And since when do you listen to 'that insipid girl at the video renting', Dodger?"

"Since that hippy-dippy skater chick took off with my copy of _1984_ while I was in California." he muttered to himself.

"Hippy-dippy skater chick?" Rory mused.

"I had been in California for less than a week when I happened to tick off this bunch of skaters," he explained. "So this one girl, her name was Ivy, nicked my book, and I had to chase her through half of Venice Beach on a skateboard, and when I finally caught up with her she said she had thrown the book away somewhere along the way."

"That sounds like you, ticking off people." Rory laughed. "However, I still don't see the connection to renting _10 things I hate about you_."

"Yapping on and on just makes people like the 'hippy-dippy chick' and 'that insipid girl at the video renting' more determined to get back at you, so letting them have their small moment of glory feels like a small price to pay compared to chasing someone on a skateboard or trying to argue against someone who believes they know what you want to watch."

"I'd argue back, but there is pizza, Chinese and candy. Feels like the good old days in Stars Hollow." Rory said, and sat down in the sofa.

Jess smiled at her, she drew the coffee table closer to the sofa, and picked out a slice of pizza.

"Well what are you waiting for Dodger? Let the movie begin!"

"Will do, ma'am" Jess answered and mock saluted her.

In no time the he had the film up and running. He dimmed the lights and sat down in the sofa, taking a box of Chinese and told himself silently that so far, everything was going great.

* * *

The movie wasn't as bad as he would have thought. It was occasionally fun, but they missed a big chunk in the middle when Matt stormed out of the room, proclaiming that he felt like a monkey in a cage, and that he'd sleep downstairs. Chris emerged from the room just seconds later, clearly amused.

"Come on, Matt, you do this to make us feel sorry for you, so that you can exploit us and brainwash us to agree to Cedar Bar Redux." Chris claimed.

"Real fun, Chris. Oh, and of course, lovely here has to see this. I'm officially fraught."

Matt sounded and looked like this was the ultimate humiliation. There was a short silence, only the movie could be heard.

"I'll go talk to my poet." Matt then suddenly proclaimed, and marched into his room, slamming the door shut.

Chris looked like he was about to pitch a fit, and hastily disappeared out the door. They could hear him laugh outside.

"Interesting pals you have." Rory commented, looking highly amused.

Just then, Chris came in, still looking like he was about to burst into laughter any second.

"They're worse than usual," Jess said, and peered over his shoulders at Chris, who went into his and Matt's room.

"Okey… Back to movie?"

* * *

In accordance with the Gilmore-rules of moviewatching there was absolutely no rewinding back the parts that they had missed, so Jess felt he had lost the entire point of the movie. By the end, though, he could've sworn Rory stiffened as the girl, Kat, read her poem about how she hated and not hated the guy that had let her down. Even Jess himself felt something move uneasily in him, some sort of déjà vu. He had been just the same, he had lied to Rory and let her down, several times. Was she thinking about that as well?

"_I swear, I'll never take the advice of someone who doesn't know me…"_ Jess thought darkly, as the credits began rolling.

They sat quiet for a while, trying to look at anything but each other. This was what Jess had feared, the crampy silence, where any word coming out of his mouth would be something he'd have to kill himself for afterwards. He felt more than relieved when Rory broke the silence.

"So, did 'that insipid girl' make you rent a good movie now that you've seen it?"

"It was okey. I liked that Ledger-guy."

"I thought you might." Rory teased. "His character sort of resembles you."

"As in 'I have curly hair and serenade my love-interest'? Right."

"No, no, although I'd like to see you serenade someone." she laughed. "No, you were both once bad boys, though I think your phony murder definitely trumps the supposed duck-eating."

"I'm not sure I should be offended or if I should overlook the fact that my past is still up for debate." Jess grunted.

"Okey… so, what now? It's still early, we could see if there's anything good on TV." Jess continued after a moments awkward silence.

"Sure," Rory answered. "I don't have to go yet."

Jess pulled out the remote control from in between two of the sofa seats, and began flicking between channels.

"You have an early morning?" he asked her.

"Not early-early, but early enough." she replied.

It took some time before they found something to watch. It was a movie they had both seen in Stars Hollow, years back, a movie they had mocked mercilessly, and now proceeded to mock. Rory told him about her mom's utter disappointment with _Snakes on a Plane_, doing a perfect imitation of Lorelai's "Snakes on a plane"-rant.

* * *

Ten minutes before the end, Rory fell asleep, and the longer she snoozed, the more she began to lean against Jess, until finally she rested comfortably (at least for her) against Jess' chest. He could feel her calm breaths, and again that intoxicating smell of her reached his nostrils. He had to fight the urge to fall asleep there and then with her. He tried waking her up, and after a few failed attempts, she finally stirred and lazily opened her eyes.

"Rory?" he whispered softly. "Rory, the movie is over."

"Mm-hmm…" she mumbled. "Sleepy."

"I can see that." Jess commented. "Should I call for a cab to take you to the hotel?"

"Sleepy…" she repeated.

"I take that as a 'no'…"

"Sleep… here." she yawned, and curled herself up even more against him.

"Fine."

"Mm-hmm." she smiled happily, almost fast asleep again.

Slowly he crawled out of the sofa, went into his room, made the bed ready for the night and went back to the living room. He gently lifted her up and carried her to his bedroom, where he put her down in the bed, pulled the blanket over her and just stood there watching her. She looked so serene, her breaths hardly making any noise.

"Thank you, Dodger." she muttered.

Jess took the opportunity, he wasn't sure he was ever going to get it again.

"Rory… Why do you keep calling me Dodger?"

"Because you are. You're my Dodger. You were always and still never there, and I loved you for it. I needed something to call you, for all the times you ran away and came back and stirred up trouble. Something I could remember you by, and love you for. I never hated you, and I never forgot you. You…" her voice drowned in a yawn. "You were my… my Dodger."

She never hated him. Jess could feel how he got all warm inside. He stroked a strand of hair from her face, and gently placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good night Rory."

She didn't answer, she was already lost in dreams. Jess tiptoed out of the room, quietly closed the door and slowly walked back to the sofa. He pulled off his jeans, and lied down. She didn't hate him. Suddenly, a memory came echoing back to him, the last he remembered before he fell asleep. He was in Venice Beach, calling Rory, it was the time when she had realized it was him. He could hear her say the same line over and over again.

"_I think I may have loved you…"_

* * *

**A/N**: Who would've thought? Jess and "10 things I hate about you"? :p Okey, so one chapter left, what will happen?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Okey, so the final chapter is here, the big ending, call it what you want! Thank you for all reviews on chapter 3, it's been so fun to get all the feedback, keep it coming! I've got another story planned and in writing, so you haven't heard the last from me. Okey, so enjoy the chapter and review please!

**Disclaimer:** I, the author of this story do not own any of the characters or anything associated with Gilmore Girls. That honor belongs to the wonderful Amy Sherman-Palladino

* * *

_Chapter 4: Catharsis_

"Jess!"

Someone was screaming, and he heard hurried footsteps. He was still half asleep, and couldn't make himself answer, or care for that matter.

"Jess!"

Again that shrill, screaming voice. It sounded familiar, but still, he tried to ignore it. It was… what day was it? He didn't know for sure, but since his alarm clock hadn't gone off, it meant that he was in no way obliged to get out of bed yet.

But when someone started hitting him, rapid hits on his head, his arms, his legs, then he reacted. He was a grumpy morning person (he maintained he got it from Luke, grumpy seemed to be his perpetual state), and waking up to screams and hits didn't make it anything better.

"What?!" he roared and sat upstraight.

He didn't see anyone. Chris' coffeetable was right infront of him, laden with empty and half-empty bowls of candy. Then he saw her. Rory was zooming past him, she looked like she was seconds away from a breakdown.

"Finally!" she shrieked, looking rather violently at him. "Why didn't you wake me? I'm so late, God how could you do this?"

"What?" Jess asked grumpily.

"It's 11.12, and I was supposed to meet with the other journalists over an hour ago!"

"And that's my fault how exactly?"

"Why did you let me sleep in?" she asked, sounding hysterical.

"Hey, you didn't say anything about wake up service, Rory." he commented sourly.

"Jess, come on!"

"No!" he screamed, feeling the grumpiness turn into anger inside him. "You can not blame this on me. You came here voluntarily, so don't put this on me, but on the other hand, that's your M.O."

"What?"

Rory stopped, and turned to look at him.

"You kissed me at Sookies wedding and then proceeded to pout when you came back from Washington, and saw that I had hooked up with Shane over the summer. You didn't contact me while you were in Washington, you were with Dean at the time, and you made me feel like it was my fault. You came here, to Philly, alone, and you told me everything was fixed! We kissed, Rory, and then you tell me it's not fixed, and I felt like crap! Is that somehow my fault as well?"

"I told you then I was sorry!" she said. "I told you I was totally wrong coming here!"

* * *

The noise had woken up both Chris and Matthew, and both now peered out through the door to their room.

"Everything okey there?" Matt asked.

Jess was so worked up, he could feel it exploding now.

"Butt out Matt, I'm warning you!"

Chris looked surprised, never during the two odd years he had known Jess, had he ever shown a temper like this. The two boys closed their door, emerging seconds later, fully dressed, Matt having all his writing stuff with him. Him and Chris disappeared out the door and down the stairs without looking at them or saying anything.

"You happy now?" Rory asked tauntingly. "You scared your pals away."

"Why did you even come Rory? Or is that my fault, too?" he screamed, hearing the words come out of his mouth, wanting it to stop, but not being able to. "Couldn't you say no to me? Am I so awful, so hated that you feel you need to fix it? God, you can be so like Luke, why do you have to fix everything?"

She didn't answer, and Jess wanted to kick himself somewhere for saying all those things. She looked so fragile now, he could see she was on the verge of tears.

"I hate you…" she finally whispered.

It felt like she had hit him in the face. He had blown it, the nice resolved feeling he had wallowed in for a year had just flown out the window. He wanted to protest, he wanted to say that he didn't mean any of it, he didn't hate her, he wasn't really angry with her. He wanted to explain, to say that he was a lot like Luke, grumpy and hermit-like, but would she listen? Would she care? She made a move to leave, hastily getting her things.

Jess caught her as she moved past him.

"Jess, let me go." she said, voice quivering.

* * *

Jess was about to let her go, but he then realized that if he let her leave now, he would most likely never see her again. They would part on terms he wouldn't wish for anyone, save perhaps the rich dipstick. He had to do something. Of all the people he loved, Rory was the one he couldn't stand to be in a fight with. He did the only thing he could think of that would make Rory understand he didn't hate her. He kissed her, trying to convey all the feelings he had for her; the passion, the disappointment, the admiration, the forgiveness and the neverending love he felt for her. He could feel her responding to the kiss, he could feel victory coming closer and closer.

Then she pulled away. Jess pressed his eyes tightly together, not really wanting to open them and see what would come out of his attempt. He could already guess it, it was like a curse between them. Anytime either of them tried to move forward, show love, one of them left. He had left her at graduation. They had both left each other when she turned him down at Yale. She had left him at the Truncheon open house, and she would most likely leave him now.

Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that she was still there. Tears were running down her face, and she stared at him, looking scared and so small. Then she turned on her heel, but to Jess' great surrpise she didn't storm out the door. She stormed right into his bedroom, and banged the door shut. He couldn't make himself follow, so he sat down on the sofa, feeling nearly as idiotic as when he was the struggling hoodlum in his youth.

He wasn't sure how long he just sat there on that stupid sofa, looking at the stupid coffee table, thinking the same stupid thoughts over and over again:

"_It could've been worse… I'm such a moron… She'll come out, eventually, or I'll break in… It could've been worse…"_

He could feel the symptomatic head ache approach, the one he got from being in a fight, especially one that wasn't resolved. Add that to the harsh waking and no morning coffee, and Jess felt like his head was about to split open. He weighed his head in his hands, furiously massaging his temples to calm the head ache. He could hear something click, and he wished to God it was his head, the last piece of the puzzle falling into place. When he heard the same, quiet clicking sound again he realized it wasn't his head. It was his door. He turned around.

* * *

Rory stood just outside his door, looking pale, with tears still running down her sweet face. Jess noted she had her cellphone out. She must have called Lorelai, who else would she call? Or maybe she called Luke, if Lorelai didn't answer. God, what if she had called dipstick to say she had reconsidered? More and more options swirled through Jess' mind, and each possiblitity was as unlikely as the next.

"I called my boss." Rory said quietly, voice cracking from crying.

"Your boss?" Jess asked stupidly.

She nodded, and walked quietly over to him, sitting down by his side.

"I called my boss… And I told him I had visited a friend, we had ordered food and that we woke up today with food poisoning."

"Food… poisoning." Jess repeated, not really following her point.

"He told me to rest and call him when I was better and he would send me a plane ticket so I could catch up with them, they leave Philadelphia tonight."

"But… Why? I thought you had called Lorelai, and that you by now had a plan to kill me, or that you had asked her to come get you. I thought you would want to leave."

Rory took out a crumpled tissue from her jeanspocket, wiping away her tears.

"So did I, but…" she began, and again, tears began to flow from her blue eyes.

"But what?" Jess asked softly, wiping some of her tears away with his thumb.

He didn't get an answer. In stead, Rory flung her arms around him, pulling him closer to her, and then burst into tears against his chest.

* * *

He held her tight, letting his hands run through her hair. He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say, or even if there was anything to say. Her tears drowned in his damp t-shirt, along with her sobs. She tried to speak, but whatever she said drowned in her crying and his embrace. Rory hiccoughed wildly, her breathing moving from strained to almost hyperventilating.

"Sch…" he hushed. "Rory, calm down, you need to breathe."

She whined, a heartbreaking noise that made Jess' heart bleed.

"I… can't…" she hiccoughed between her violent sobs.

"Yes, you can, Rory, come on."

He instinctively knew what to do. He turned her, her back now resting against his chest. He put one of his hands on her chest, pressed a little and began breathing deep, calm breaths.

"Come on, Rory. Breathe with me. You need to calm down… Deep breaths."

It took her fifteen minutes to get back to breathing normally. All the time she lay against him, her eyes tired and red after crying. She stared out a window, not blinking until her eyes watered. Jess could tell she was exhausted.

"Are you okey? Back with the living?" he asked her.

She nodded silently, still staring.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

New nod. He carefully got out of the sofa, letting her rest on it. When he was about to go to the kitchen, she took hold of his hand, looking pleadingly at him.

"Rory," he said calmly. "I'm going to the kitchen, you can see me from here, all the way. I'll get you something to eat."

She reluctantly let go, and Jess walked slowly into the kitchen, making coffee, a sandwish and pouring her a glass of juice to drink while waiting for the coffee.

* * *

She drank the juice in three, four big gulps, shuddering at its coldness. The sandwish was left almost as it was, he couldn't make her eat more than two miniscule bites. He went to get her coffee, pouring in milk and sugar even though he knew she preferred it black. She took the cup of coffee gratefully, not mentioning the milk and sugar. Any other time she would have forced him to pour her a new cup, he knew that. She drank the coffee slower, not gulping it down like the juice, but slowly sipping it. She seemed calmer, but also much quieter.

"What happened Rory?" Jess asked her, eyeing at her with a concerened look.

At first, she just peered at him, searching for the words and wondering how to put it all.

"I…" she began, sounding weak and hoarse. "I was so afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of… Losing you."

He gave her a little smile, caressing her hair and her face.

"So was I." he confessed.

"But of course I was the one to have a crack-up worthy of Britney." she joked and smiled a weak smile.

* * *

Jess sat down next to her, pulling her close again. Rory closed her eyes, and Jess savoured the moment he knew they had both been waiting for.

"So, what do we do now?" he asked a couple of minutes later.

"Well," Rory began, suppressing a yawn. "We have food poisoning, so I can't see how we can do much at all."

"But of course. We're so weak it's pathetic, really."

"Right. So we'll just hang back and do what sick people like ourselves are supposed to do."

"Work." Jess concluded.

"Watch you work." Rory added.

"Write."

"Read."

"Dig it, man."

"Peace out, Humphrey."

"What?" Jess asked, confused.

"Nothing. I think for a moment I was back at a Friday night dinner." Rory answered dreamily.

"You're crazy."

* * *

They were both quiet for what seemed like an eternity, until Rory spoke:

"I think I may have loved you all this time, even when I said I didn't."

That made Jess stop whatever thought he had going. She had said it, the word he had waited to hear from her for a year. Again, the line from the day of her graduation, when he was in Venice Beach, came back. She had loved him then, she loved him now.

"I think now would be a good time to respond, Jess."

"Huh?"

"You seemed to lose yourself there."

"I was just savouring the moment. You have no idea how long I've waited for that."

"So, I should take that as an 'I love you, too' kind of response?" she asked, piercing him to the soul with her baby blues.

"Yes, I love you too, Rory. With all of my heart."

Her smiled widened.

"Good." she smiled, sounding suspiciously peachy. "As soon as I'm done with the campaign trail, I'll look for something more stable around here, and you can prepare yourself for the confrontation with my mother and the occasional dinners with the grandparents."

"Rory!" he groaned. "Your mother I can take, but your grandparents? I think they'd agree with me when I say that I under no circumstances should approach their house again."

"Too bad, Mariano. You knew you would get my mother once you got me, you really thought the grandparents were a different matter?"

Jess pouted for a moment, with Rory trying to cheer him up with kisses and anecdotes. When the front door cautiously creaked open, and Chris peeked in to check the status of the two fighters, and he was much surprised to find his secretive co-owner fondling his ex.

"How the hell did this happen?" Chris asked, sounding as if he had never heard the word 'reconciliation' before.

Jess shot him a look, which was enough for Chris to say:

"Fine, butting out as we speak."

Matt, surprisingly, took it a little better. He kept on telling the story about how the quiet, pacifistic Jess Mariano had had a shouting contest with his ex and that Chris and himself had heard "furniture crack and punches fly" from the bookstore below. He had left to go to the Obama Campaign just when the punching sounds had reached the bottom floor. Everytime he told the story, he embellished it a little more, until he was convinced that actual boxing punches had been exchanged between Jess and Rory, and he always told it like he had been there all the time. Both Jess and Rory laughed about it, occasionally recreating the scenario according to Matt's latest version of the history. No matter how the fight started, and how it unfolded, they both agreed the ending was best, when Jess would swoop up Rory, do a full on tango move and passionately kiss her, proclaiming his undying love to her in an Italian accent.

* * *

One night, about a week after the Great Fight and the Final Make Up, they were lying in Jess' creaking bed, watching out his window unto a darkening Philadelphia.

"So, how long do you think we can keep this food poisoning going?" Jess asked, gently kissing Rory.

"I think it's time to call my boss," Rory replied, dodging his kisses, and turning to look sternly at him. "And I think it's time we called my mom."

"Can't it be a surprise?" Jess tried to coax.

"Jess, I think it's kind of a surprise already. Come on, you know my mom, she'll be over it in no time, and if not we'll send Luke over. It'll be virtually painless."

"And I'm Frank at the Sands…" Jess muttered sulkily. "Fine, you call."

Rory took out her Sidekick, hit 1 and pressed the green button. Jess could hear the dialing tone, and then Lorelai's voice saying _"Loin here, what's up fruit?."_

"Mom… I'm in Philadelphia…"

_"Oh, aren't we sounding serious. Should I change clothes? I don't know if my 'Juicy' trousers can take serious talk."_ Lorelai babbled.

"Mom, I'm in Philadelphia…" Rory tried again.

_"So you said!"_

"And I'm with Jess…"

He could almost see how Lorelai stopped what she was doing, and then came the fast talking, he didn't catch half of what she was saying.

_"…and what do you mean you're with Jess?"_ Lorelai finally asked, a bit calmer

"Well, if we put it this way, Mom… I think Grandma will terrorize you less from now on."

Jess smiled. He definitely had to learn to handle the Gilmores. But on the bright side, he had already tamed on of them.


	5. Author's Comment

Hey you! No, it's not a new chapter, I just thought I'd ask for your help! I know some of you have asked me if this story will have a sequel, and I've told you that I'd consider it. Well, I spent this weekend translating old letters, so needless to say I need to get back to writing, and I'm open for the possibility of a sequel to "I think I may have loved you". Now I want YOU to give me suggestions to what you'd like to see in this sequel. I have some basic ideas, but I'd love to know what you'd like to see in this yet unnamed sequel. Either send your suggestion as a review or as a PM. Thanks!

/ICanSeeYourFace


End file.
